not knowing yet

I've been absent from this space - much like I've been absent from my own life - from late July, all throughout August, until early September. Things have been happening, changes again, neither good nor bad, just different. In what way, only time can tell.

I feel that I've been thinking so much about some things in the detriment of others. That I've ruled out possibilities even before considering them. That I'm giving up so much just for sheer hope of gaining something impalpable.

I'm still pondering, deeper than ever, about where I am to steer my life. But steer I must, the option of staying put does not exist.

I am restless even before I begin. The possibilities are countless at this point, the paths are numerous. I'm standing at a crossroads, not knowing which way to go. I'm terrified that in time I will be thinking of these moments, asking myself "why didn't you chose a different path". I often do this, I am the master of "looking back in anger". Am I closing paths again? Am I discovering new ones? Am I getting further away from the right one or am I postponing its discovery while I'm exploring some others?

I have no answers now. I only have questions.

But I have a feeling that all will be good.